What I Lost

What I Lost

As I know, some Chinese people have an “America Dream”. They believe that America is the wonderful place to change their life; and that they can find a completely different and easier life here. Thus, I came to the U.S with my parents’ America Dream. Although they didn’t know what the actual life is here, they expected that I would find a better life here than in China after I graduated from the university. It is certain that I have obtained some good experiences here that wouldn’t have gotten if I lived in China, but sometimes I still feel lost in my new life.

Language was the first challenge when I came to this new country, but I hope it wasn’t my first loss. All I know about English is how to say “hi” to other people and some common nouns. I wasn’t a good student in my English class because I didn’t think I would use it some day in my job or daily life. However, if you don’t know how to speak the native language, you might get a harder life here. Therefore, I soaked myself into the new language, listening, speaking and reading. Gradually, I found more and more Chinese people who used a lot of English words instead of their native language when they talk to their own people here. One day, my Chinese co-worker asked me:” where is the file she copied yesterday?” I answered: “Wo Shan Chu Le.” That means I deleted it. She looked at me with a blank face, like a rabbit sees a bone in her bowl. I got what happened to her immediately, so I said: “Wo deleted Le.” Then she just understood what I meant. But I felt uncomfortable about it. They are even not immigrant offspring, but they already forgot some parts of their native language. I cannot image what we will lose in the real second generation.

Relationship to your family and friends are a big loss for most people who immigrated to America by themselves. My mother always sighed that if I was in China, I would come home three times every year at least because of some week-long holiday in China. She also could visit me anytime she wanted, and yet we only can talk to each other on the phone. I only have visited her once since I came here. I have missed some important things that happened in my family in the past nineteen months, even my grandfather’s passing. Before I went to the airport, I went to his house and promised him that I would come back to see him in one year. But I never expect that it would be the last meeting with my grandfather. It is an irreparable regret in my life. There is the same situation in my friendships. When they talked to me about their job which they found after graduation, I couldn’t get the points from the situation they mentioned, how their interpersonal relationships are going to be in their office, what they did everyday, or what they complained about. Actually, I would have gotten same experiences and shared my comments with them. But now, we are trying hard in the different way for our future. It is truth that when you decide to move to another country and get a different life, you will lose some parts of the relationships in your past life absolutely.

Daily life also brought a lot of problems to me, and it was out of control in the beginning. When I arrived at America, I felt like a newborn baby. I had to start on A B C, the most basic point. I had lived in Indianapolis for couple months when I came here. I didn’t have a car at the time and there were only a few of bus routes, so I had to wait for other people who could take me out. There was no small food store close to your house, so you have to drive fifteen minutes away to go to the market. And American foods have different tastes than Chinese food and go with many kinds of sauces. I had to remember the street name to find my house. Because I only had to remember the building name or place name in China, and then other people would know where I wanted to go. Moreover, I never hear what the social security number is in my country. I had to take my passport with me everywhere when I didn’t have my ID; In addition, I didn’t know what I have to provide to open a bank account, or to get in school. All of these situations almost drove me crazy in the first couple months; I had to learn all of the living skills over here as a new immigrant.

In sum, the loss is inevitable and necessary when you transfer into another culture. You lose some parts in your past life, and someone even gets a completely different life. I have been improved during the immigration, for my parents’ “America Dream”. However, I have paid same as what I gained. It is a hard time for the most of immigrants and new arrivals, but you have to adjust yourself into the new life in America as soon as possible. You will enjoy your new life here and obtain some useful things, not just the loss when you blend into this country.